"If it don't matter to you, it don't matter to me"

Uptight.

1. Tense, nervous, or jittery
2. Annoyed or angry
3.Stiffly conventional in manner or attitudes

I am uptight. I think I’ve always been this way. I know how to relax and have a good time, but for some reason it doesn’t happen as often as it should. I’d like to think that, like anything else, this is something that I can change. Lately, however, I’m not so sure. Some people say that you shouldn’t take life so seriously, but how can you not?

I have a sense of humor, but I don’t laugh at a lot. Usually when I do laugh, it’s at random silliness. I rarely laugh at jokes or comedians. I’ll occasionally laugh while watching a tv show. And I don’t find myself laughing out loud at too many movies either. I’ll smile, but laughing - not so much.

Sometimes I’m afraid that if I don’t loosen up, that I’m going to push people away without trying. I don’t want to be the stick in the mud. How do I learn to relax and let go? I want to be more easy-going. I used to think I was pretty easy to please. The older I get, the longer I live by myself, the more I think that maybe I’m not as easy going as I once was. When you live by yourself you do things how you want them, when you want them. When you live with someone else you have to take into consideration how they like things, too. And then you have to compromise. That can be hard to do when you’re uptight. Does that mean I’m selfish? I suppose in some ways we are all selfish at times. But being selfish AND uptight is certainly not a good combination.

I need to learn to relax more. I need to let go of wanting to be in control as much as possible. I don’t know if it’s a power thing so much as it is being obsessive-compulsive. Either way, I need to find a way to change.