Swizzle Stick, Rev. 3

I got married in October 2007. I moved out due to the separation in April 2010. I was officially divorced in July 2011. And today I finally changed my married name back to my maiden name.

Some might question why I waited so long. I was never in a hurry to change it. I guess it just wasn't that big of a deal. I wasn't ready to change it when the divorce was first final. I had it as an option in the paperwork but I didn't really know if I would ever change it back. I suppose it was the final slap in my face about failing at making my marriage work. Maybe I kept it because I felt the punishment was necessary. Maybe I just wasn't emotionally ready to admit defeat. But recently I had the realization that by not restoring my name, I was holding myself back.I began wondering if it would feel more freeing if I did. And as with  most choices I make, once I made up my mind it was all I could think about. Full speed ahead.

When I left the social security office I felt a little bit lighter in step. I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. It seems silly when I think about a name change having that sort of affect, but it has. And tomorrow I go to DMV to get my drivers license changed over. I've been on my "staycation" all week so it'll be a surprise to everyone when I go back to work on Monday. I'm sure I'll have to field questions with all my existing contacts (those that never knew me when I was my single or that I had ever been married to begin with). It won't bother me though. It's part of the process. And the immediate people I work with will be delighted simply because my maiden name is so much easier to spell (and pronounce). I'm not sure what my friends will think. I haven't told any of them. I'm pretty sure they'll be indifferent to it. I know I would be. It's really not that big of a deal to anyone else but me, and rightfully so.

Here is to the new me. Well, really the old me, but with a different revision level.

Jokes on me!

God must have a sense of humor. I realize my birthday is in about two weeks, but this really wasn’t necessary. I am fully aware that I am getting older. I still don’t consider myself to be in the “old” bracket. Heck, I don’t even consider my parents being there yet! Apparently I needed a friendly reminder though – or as I said, God has a sense of humor because yesterday at about 2:30 while merely sitting at my desk, my hip started to hurt. This has happened once before but after about two days it went away. No harm, no foul. I still went to the gym yesterday. I did 20 on the elliptical, 30 on the bike, 3 sets of crunches, 3 sets of back extensions, as well as a couple of leg weight machines. My hip didn’t bother me that whole time except when I went to walk to the next task. After , I went home, took motrin, and ended up going went to bed early.

At 2am I woke up in so much pain! I actually had to hobble downstairs to get more motrin. (Why I didn’t think to bring it upstairs with me before I went to bed is beyond me!) I finally fell back asleep around 4. In between that time of laying flat on my back and deep rubbing my ass cheek, I googled “Hip,Butt,Leg pain” and it all came back to “sciatica / pirformis syndrome”. The symptoms match up perfectly. I’m not sure why it decided to become inflamed while I was sitting at my desk though. I didn’t do anything over the weekend that would have caused this – unless it was a very much delayed reaction to Friday night’s workout. At this point anything is possible. All I know is that when I got up for good today, I could barely get up out of bed and when I did, I had to use everything in front of me for support because I could barely put pressure down on my foot because the pain shot through my hip. I’m also still not sure how I managed to get the sock onto my right foot. It hurts tremendously to lift my leg/use my hip in any way.

I remember years ago there was a girl I worked with. She missed a TON of work because of her sciatica. I always thought she was being a baby about it. I couldn’t understand how it could be so detrimental. Now? Now I get it. It hurts like something fierce. I’m just considering myself lucky because there are others I know who couldn’t get out of bed because theirs was so bad. I can only hope that the inflammation will go down and the pain will subside sooner than later because I feel like such a baby. I realize it’s not my fault that I can’t walk right. But that doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. I have a somewhat decent pain tolerance, but after a while you just want a break! It also really sucks that I can’t go to the gym today. I don’t want to hurt myself further. I doubt I’ll go to the doctor. I know they’ll tell me to take motrin and do ice/heat treatment and just rest.

*Cheers* to getting old. haha