"Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock"

Collect moments not things.

Since moving out and going through a divorce, I’ve been trying to simplify and declutter my life. It hasn’t been easy because ever since I was a child, I’ve gotten attached to “things”. When I was younger I was quite the packrat - hanging on to movie ticket stubs here and there, or keeping items just because of the person who gave it to me. I realize that they are just things, but it still doesn’t make it easy to toss em.

Over time I’ve gotten better about not holding on to items. That’s not saying that I don’t, I’ve just gotten better and the items have gotten fewer. I’m more selective. I don’t keep every birthday card ever given to me, though I do keep some. I occasionally keep concert tickets (but that’s more to include in the scrapbook pages when I finally get around to doing them). But I still have a lot of “stuff” that perhaps I don’t need.

When I “spring clean” I have to go through my stuff slowly. I have found that emotionally it’s easier for me to get rid of things in phases. It’s funny because I really don’t like change. I like to have routine. But once I make big changes or I get rid of items, I always feel so much lighter. I’m not as weighed down. And it’s a GREAT feeling!!! So why don’t I just chuck everything at once? I don’t really know. I guess it’s all a mental game I play against myself. Maybe this go around I’ll try something new and give it all up at once. If it turns out to be too much then next time I’ll know and I’ll chalk it up as a lesson learned.

I’m feeling the need to lighten the load again and reorganize my life in general. It’s time to change things up just a bit and make my home cozy, but not overwhelming. It’s time to make more trips and buy less things. I’ve been trying to make more memories in the last two year and I think I’ve done pretty good, but I also feel like lately I’ve gotten off track. Maybe it’s the sunny weather as Summer approaches. Perhaps it’s realizing that the memories I thought I’d be making are no longer there and it’s time to accept that my life Is heading in a direction so completely unknown to me. I can’t begin to wonder what my future holds because there are so many possibilities. I want to be as ready as I can for the unknown. I know that sounds a bit ridiculous. I guess it just goes back to simplifying. I’m sure that doesn’t make sense to everyone, but it makes sense to me.

I know that memories can still cost money. But I want the memories that don’t cost money, too. I suppose I’m a dreamer in that sense. I want the afternoons in the park, the morning walks where time isn’t important and window shopping or people watching is. I want the trips to places where you walk around grab a bite to eat. I want the road trips to new places. Views from new heights. I want to experience life. I want to make memories. I want stories to tell when I’m old and gray of all the things I did in life. That doesn’t mean I’m going to give up my closet full of shoes. It just means I’m going to cut back on buying new ones. It means buying fewer cds and dvds (which I’ve already cut back on).

Life isn’t about the things you collect, it’s about the friends and family that you surround yourself with and the memories you choose to make with them.

"I'm feeling hot, hot, hot..."

I am not one who usually wants Summer to come fast. Fall is my favorite season, followed by Spring, Winter, and then finally - Summer. I prefer the cooler weather when I can wear jeans and a cute top with a pair of sandals, or jeans and a long sleeve sweater but no jacket. Summer. Well, summer means heat. And heat means sweat. Sweat… well, that’s just not always fun.

The last few days have been pretty warm out. I even want to go as far as say hot, but I know that it will get hotter once we’re really in the summer months. But the last few days have been hot enough for me that when I come home from work/gym, as much as I want to turn on the air conditioner, I haven’t. Instead I’ve been opening up my front door and opening up my window upstairs in my bedroom and letting it cool down naturally. When it’s been time to go to bed, I’ve closed the window and turned on my floor fan.

The first night I turned on my fan, I thought to myself.. Ahh, that feels nice. But it’s not just a fan. It’s my personal serenity device. Personal Serenity Device. That description is actually part of a quote from one of my favorite movies, one that most people haven’t heard of - Still Breathing.

It’s amazing how certain things can trigger emotions and memories. The other night it was the hot summer night and the fan swirling around the air in my room. It actually reminded me of when I lived in my teeny, tiny 410 square foot studio apartment. I did not have air conditioning. There were days when I would come home from work and there would be two or three dead spiders just curled up on the floor because they fried to death. I remember coming home and immediately opening up my windows and front door just to get some fresh air inside. And at night time I’d leave them just barely cracked (for safety reason being on the ground level) and turn on my floor fan (the one I still use). Well, the other night when I turned on my floor fan, those memories came rushing back to me. It was familiar. It was happy. It was comforting. I remember struggling to make ends meet back then. Oddly enough, though I’m making more money now than I did then, I find myself back there again. (Except now I’m in a bigger apartment paying more rent.) Regardless, it made me think. I was happy then. Life felt a little harder, but it was simple. And right now I’m in search of that simplicity. I want to be back where shopping wasn’t a priority or even a big necessity. Going out all the time, while I wanted to, I didn’t because I couldn’t afford it. My big splurge was paying $25 a month for the Blockbuster Rewards card so I could rent more movies. Anyways… it was summer that reminded me of all this.

It also reminded me of when I was a kid. I didn’t grow up with central air. On hot days you just dealt with the heat. During heat waves we’d close the drapes and blinds and turn on the ceiling fan in the family room and just hope that eventually it would cool down. Heat also reminds me of a family visit to Riverside. My great aunt and uncle did not have a/c (or if they did, they just didn’t use it) because I remember being there during a summer month and going to bed with the ceiling fan on, just hoping that it would cool down enough to fall asleep.

Summer nights are my favorite. When you can go outside at 8, 9, 10 o’clock at night and have it be a warm summer night. Mmm. There is just something comforting about that.

This year I’m hoping to embrace summer more. I’m hoping to suck it up and just deal with the heat. I’m hoping to use my air conditioner less. (I hate artificial air!). And I’m hoping to just embrace all my personal serenity device has to offer. I’m hoping to do the same with what life throws my way. I want that comforting feeling of happiness to envelope me.