Do you ever feel like that is you? I sure feel like that’s me!
The gym: I’ve been going steadily for the last 1 ½ - 2 years. I went from a size 14 to a size 12. I’ve lost about 15 pounds total. I know that my sugar level and cholesterol have gone down quite a bit. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much though. I went out shopping two weekends ago because I needed new jeans that fit me better. I was thrilled to be trying them on and having them look decent on me. I even went and got some new work pants we’ve been approved to wear and they were a size 12. But I tried them on today and realized that they are snug around my abdomen. I knew they were like that when I bought them, but when I tried on the 14s they were obviously too big. So I got the 12s. That’s incentive to keep the weight off, yea? And it’s also incentive to start pushing even harder to lose more inches. I want them to fit comfortable everywhere, not everywhere but my waist. Am I ready for what lies ahead though? Am I ready to go fierce and get rid of the junk food I keep in the house? I usually feel pretty good about the meals I have. My problem is snacking. Sometimes I snack because I’m hungry and sometimes I snack because I know the food is in my pantry and it sounds good. The problem is that after I eat the junk food, I feel like utter crap. Am I ready to go back to an even more strict diet? Well, I guess I have to be because that’s what it’s going to take. I also need to revamp my gym workouts. Running is still out of the question for me - not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t. My knee is still giving me problems and I really don’t want to go to the doctor right now and hear him utter the words “you need knee surgery”. So it’s time I revamp things and push the envelope more. I need to challenge myself on a daily basis - which is hard for me because I’m generally at the gym by myself. For some reason I do better when I’m with someone alternating the same exercises between us. Maybe it’s because I like competition even if I know I don’t stand a chance. I’m not they type to compete against myself (one reason why I never decided to try Crossfit).
The place I call home: They say the state of your living space represents the chaos in your own life. I look around and you know what? I’d have to say I agree. While my place isn’t a pig sty, there is definitely room for improvement. I need to keep up more on the actual cleaning part. I always feel better when it’s super clean. And as always I need to work on keeping everything tidy. I’ve certainly made progress with the tidy factor, but I’m still not there yet. It also seems that no matter how much stuff I get rid of, there is still the same amount after the fact. I sometimes wish I could get rid of half the clothing in my closet. Just up and donate it. There is a good majority of it that I don’t wear, so why do I have it? Because it’s already been purchased and I like to have options. That’s why. I need to figure out another reasonable way to declutter my life. Maybe I need to suck it up and just get rid of clothes, thus emptying my closet. Maybe I need to go through my kitchen stuff and if it hasn’t been used in the last year (ok, two years) get rid of it. I have a bazillion cookbooks that I love looking through but I rarely use them. So why can’t I seem to just get rid of them!? What is my malfunction?!
Work: Actually, work is the one place where, although I occasionally get stressed out, I generally don’t have many qualms. I enjoy what I do. That is a HUGE plus in my book.
Dating: I’m not. It’s as simple as that. I tried the whole marriage thing. It didn’t work. I tried the relationship thing (albeit it was a long-distance-out-of-state one) but that didn’t work either. I’ve had a few guys ask me out, but they just weren’t right for me, therefore I’m not dating. I’m okay with that… for the most part.
So there you have it. My main trouble spots are the gym and home. Gee, how’s that for answers I already knew.
Oh. And did I mention I turn 33 next month? I'd say old enough that I should have my shit together. Don't you think?
I just need to buck up and keep at it. There may very well be light at the end of the tunnel. We’ll see.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
A little bit of this, a little bit of that
This is going to be all over the place so you might want to take some Dramamine…
As I was sitting here eating my dinner at the table, I cast a glance to the side where the photographs rested. I recently started working on a scrapbook of things my sister and I have done in the last few years. I started to think about how I have evolved over that time in all aspects of life. It also made me look around my condo and think about how even though I see my future being only with myself, I someday would still like to own a home of my own - a home in which I don’t have to share walls with someone. I realize how difficult that would be - trying to buy a house on my own. I don’t make horrible money, but I certainly don’t make a huge amount of it. With someone else in the picture it could definitely be done. Had I been more diligent about my money growing up, perhaps I’d have a better nest egg set up. I don’t though, and there is no reason for me to dwell on it since it can’t change the past. All I can do is try to be better about it now. Anyway, from there I jumped to the fact that because I see myself living alone, I clearly don’t see myself having children. This isn’t news, as I’ve mentioned it before. But that got me thinking even more…
I’m not saying it gets said by everyone. I’m not saying it gets said nearly as often as I think it does. But so many times you hear someone say “I just want to give my child/children the things I didn’t have when I was growing up”, “I want to provide my child/children with what my parents couldn’t provide for me”, etc. etc. (I think you get the gist of what I’m trying to say.) I stopped to think about everything my parents have done for me… everything my parents have given to me, taught me, and sacrificed for me. My parents aren’t rich. They make decent money. I’d say they are pretty middle class in my eyes (which in my opinion is the perfect place to be. And let me also clarify that to me, upper class is the extreme wealthy. ) With that being said, I could never provide for my children (if I had any) in the ways my parents did, and sometimes still do, today. I have never looked back on my life and wished I was given more. I was never needy. They put a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back, and toys in my room. We went camping and on vacations. I played sports. It amazes me the way my parents were able to provide for not only me, but my sister as well. You will never hear me utter the words that I’d like to just give to my children what I never had. I can’t think of anything that would qualify for that. I look back and think that I had a wonderful childhood. If my parents had to scrimp and save, I never saw it. Yes there may have been some toys that I might’ve wanted that I didn’t get, but I think that goes without saying for any child. They knew what I wanted the most and somehow I usually got it. Was I spoiled? A bit, yes. Sometimes by my parents, sometimes by my grandparents, but I feel like I always appreciated what I had, just as I do now. I can’t imagine having that responsibility falling on me now. Then again, if it did, I’d like to think I wouldn’t be doing it by myself, that I’d have a significant other there beside me.
In today’s society so many people feel the need to give their children everything they want, everything they ask for. Yes, it’s nice to be able to indulge now and then, but it’s also important to teach them what it means to work hard for what they want, and what it means to not always get what you want. I guess that continues into adulthood when one has to provide for themselves. I know I could tighten the belt even tighter. I could stop going out altogether and not buy anything but the absolute bare essentials. I could buy the cheapest shampoo and conditioner. I could buy regular shower soap, etc. Sometimes I feel though, that if those are the main “perks” of my adult life, why should I let go of them? Yes, I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, but I didn’t do it on my own. I’ve had plenty of help along the way, for which I am very blessed. When am I ever going to feel like I can stand on my own two feet? Will I ever?
It scares me sometimes to think that every responsibility will always fall square on my shoulders. I have to figure out a way to take care of myself for the long run. Some would say being or staying single is a choice. I guess that depends on circumstance and/or one’s outlook. Right now I see it as the only option that makes sense.
I still consider myself lucky and blessed to be where I’m at in life. I know it could be worse. Heck, sometimes I feel like I’m just waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop, but we all make choices, we all make sacrifices. Perhaps this is mine.
As I was sitting here eating my dinner at the table, I cast a glance to the side where the photographs rested. I recently started working on a scrapbook of things my sister and I have done in the last few years. I started to think about how I have evolved over that time in all aspects of life. It also made me look around my condo and think about how even though I see my future being only with myself, I someday would still like to own a home of my own - a home in which I don’t have to share walls with someone. I realize how difficult that would be - trying to buy a house on my own. I don’t make horrible money, but I certainly don’t make a huge amount of it. With someone else in the picture it could definitely be done. Had I been more diligent about my money growing up, perhaps I’d have a better nest egg set up. I don’t though, and there is no reason for me to dwell on it since it can’t change the past. All I can do is try to be better about it now. Anyway, from there I jumped to the fact that because I see myself living alone, I clearly don’t see myself having children. This isn’t news, as I’ve mentioned it before. But that got me thinking even more…
I’m not saying it gets said by everyone. I’m not saying it gets said nearly as often as I think it does. But so many times you hear someone say “I just want to give my child/children the things I didn’t have when I was growing up”, “I want to provide my child/children with what my parents couldn’t provide for me”, etc. etc. (I think you get the gist of what I’m trying to say.) I stopped to think about everything my parents have done for me… everything my parents have given to me, taught me, and sacrificed for me. My parents aren’t rich. They make decent money. I’d say they are pretty middle class in my eyes (which in my opinion is the perfect place to be. And let me also clarify that to me, upper class is the extreme wealthy. ) With that being said, I could never provide for my children (if I had any) in the ways my parents did, and sometimes still do, today. I have never looked back on my life and wished I was given more. I was never needy. They put a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back, and toys in my room. We went camping and on vacations. I played sports. It amazes me the way my parents were able to provide for not only me, but my sister as well. You will never hear me utter the words that I’d like to just give to my children what I never had. I can’t think of anything that would qualify for that. I look back and think that I had a wonderful childhood. If my parents had to scrimp and save, I never saw it. Yes there may have been some toys that I might’ve wanted that I didn’t get, but I think that goes without saying for any child. They knew what I wanted the most and somehow I usually got it. Was I spoiled? A bit, yes. Sometimes by my parents, sometimes by my grandparents, but I feel like I always appreciated what I had, just as I do now. I can’t imagine having that responsibility falling on me now. Then again, if it did, I’d like to think I wouldn’t be doing it by myself, that I’d have a significant other there beside me.
In today’s society so many people feel the need to give their children everything they want, everything they ask for. Yes, it’s nice to be able to indulge now and then, but it’s also important to teach them what it means to work hard for what they want, and what it means to not always get what you want. I guess that continues into adulthood when one has to provide for themselves. I know I could tighten the belt even tighter. I could stop going out altogether and not buy anything but the absolute bare essentials. I could buy the cheapest shampoo and conditioner. I could buy regular shower soap, etc. Sometimes I feel though, that if those are the main “perks” of my adult life, why should I let go of them? Yes, I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, but I didn’t do it on my own. I’ve had plenty of help along the way, for which I am very blessed. When am I ever going to feel like I can stand on my own two feet? Will I ever?
It scares me sometimes to think that every responsibility will always fall square on my shoulders. I have to figure out a way to take care of myself for the long run. Some would say being or staying single is a choice. I guess that depends on circumstance and/or one’s outlook. Right now I see it as the only option that makes sense.
I still consider myself lucky and blessed to be where I’m at in life. I know it could be worse. Heck, sometimes I feel like I’m just waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop, but we all make choices, we all make sacrifices. Perhaps this is mine.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
"I wanna know what love is... I want you to show me"
“Want to show her she’s loved?” I just heard those words on a commercial pushing bracelets and of course it was geared towards Valentine’s Day (which by the way is TOMORROW!).
“Want to show her she’s loved?” Buy her this bracelet. Give her these chocolates. Present her with these red roses. Take her out to this restaurant for dinner. And do it all on Valentine's Day. If you do these things then she’ll know she’s loved. Right? WRONG.
I’m not saying those gestures aren’t kind. I’m not saying they can’t be heartfelt. What I AM saying is that love isn’t just about buying things for your significant other, let alone doing it on Valentine’s Day. Love is so much more than that. It’s acknowledging that special person in your life. It means listening, talking, hugging, kissing. It means telling them that you appreciate them throughout the year, not just on a hallmark holiday. I would rather receive heartfelt gratification on a more daily basis than an over-the-top gesture once a year. I would rather know that I am loved by everyday gestures like a random email in the middle of the afternoon, than someone buying me a box of chocolates because they feel obligated to. Love doesn’t have to be a commercialized bracelet given as a present. Love can be taking out the garbage without being asked. Watching a television show that you’re not interested in just because you want to spend time with that person in your life. It’s cooking a special dinner just because. And maybe it is bringing someone flowers. Flowers are fun. I’m not saying I don’t like receiving them. But why does it have to be on Valentine’s Day? Why can’t it be simply be because it’s a Wednesday and I love you? You can’t put a price on love. Love is an unwavering feeling you have towards someone. It means you’ll love them even on days you don’t like them very much. It means you’ll compromise. It means you are more focused on them than you are on yourself. Love is not giving up. Love is encouraging each other no matter what. Love is knowing they’ll catch you if you fall.
If you find yourself celebrating Valentine’s Day with someone special, enjoy every minute of it. Be serious about it or be cheesy about it. There is nothing wrong with that. Just remember that love should be celebrated year round. Don’t forget to show it sporadically the rest of the 364 days of the year.
“Want to show her she’s loved?” Buy her this bracelet. Give her these chocolates. Present her with these red roses. Take her out to this restaurant for dinner. And do it all on Valentine's Day. If you do these things then she’ll know she’s loved. Right? WRONG.
I’m not saying those gestures aren’t kind. I’m not saying they can’t be heartfelt. What I AM saying is that love isn’t just about buying things for your significant other, let alone doing it on Valentine’s Day. Love is so much more than that. It’s acknowledging that special person in your life. It means listening, talking, hugging, kissing. It means telling them that you appreciate them throughout the year, not just on a hallmark holiday. I would rather receive heartfelt gratification on a more daily basis than an over-the-top gesture once a year. I would rather know that I am loved by everyday gestures like a random email in the middle of the afternoon, than someone buying me a box of chocolates because they feel obligated to. Love doesn’t have to be a commercialized bracelet given as a present. Love can be taking out the garbage without being asked. Watching a television show that you’re not interested in just because you want to spend time with that person in your life. It’s cooking a special dinner just because. And maybe it is bringing someone flowers. Flowers are fun. I’m not saying I don’t like receiving them. But why does it have to be on Valentine’s Day? Why can’t it be simply be because it’s a Wednesday and I love you? You can’t put a price on love. Love is an unwavering feeling you have towards someone. It means you’ll love them even on days you don’t like them very much. It means you’ll compromise. It means you are more focused on them than you are on yourself. Love is not giving up. Love is encouraging each other no matter what. Love is knowing they’ll catch you if you fall.
If you find yourself celebrating Valentine’s Day with someone special, enjoy every minute of it. Be serious about it or be cheesy about it. There is nothing wrong with that. Just remember that love should be celebrated year round. Don’t forget to show it sporadically the rest of the 364 days of the year.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
If my head wasn't attached, I'd probably lose it.
Monday night I was taking a shower and after I put the conditioner in my hands, I proceeded to… rub it on my face as if it were face wash. Why? That’s a good question that I unfortunately don’t have the answer to. I stopped mid way as I realized exactly what I was doing, confused as to how I got to this point. Needless to say, my peach fuzz was especially soft that night.
Last night it came to my attention that I read the wrong book. How can a person read the wrong book? Well, when you’re reading a series that clearly has an order to them and you skip not one, but TWO books ahead thus reading book # 8 instead of book #6... At least I was able to laugh it off. And now I understand why some things were a bit "off" with the storyline. D'oh!
As far as I know I haven’t done anything air headed today - however the night is still young and the week is still long!
Last night it came to my attention that I read the wrong book. How can a person read the wrong book? Well, when you’re reading a series that clearly has an order to them and you skip not one, but TWO books ahead thus reading book # 8 instead of book #6... At least I was able to laugh it off. And now I understand why some things were a bit "off" with the storyline. D'oh!
As far as I know I haven’t done anything air headed today - however the night is still young and the week is still long!
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