“I wanna rock n‘ roll all night… and party every day”

Maybe it just goes with the territory of the gray hairs that seem to keep on popping up on my head. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m in my early 30’s and no longer in my 20’s. All these years I always said that age is nothing but a number. I suppose to a degree, it is just that. But once upon a time I would go out on week nights just to hang out at the local coffee shop with friends and shoot the breeze. I’d stay up til 11 and wake up at 6. It could be that my work hours are throwing me off. I get up for work at 5:30 am Monday thru Friday so that I can be at work by 7. But I can’t just blame on my body on being tired because although that’s the case half the time, it’s not the case all the time.

It’s 8pm on a Saturday night. I just sat down with a bowl full of strawberries and blueberries - and a glass of wine that goes perfectly with it, I might add. I also just got a text asking if I wanted to go out and grab some dessert or something. No thanks, I reply. I’m in for the night. Once upon a time I would’ve jumped at the chance to go out like that. But now? Now I’m in for the night. I’m content with lounging on my sofa and watching something on tv, or reading, or sitting here at my table and blogging.

Could it be the company aspect of it? Most certainly. While the person who asked me out is a perfectly acceptable person, it’s really not that difficult to say no to him. So if it had been someone else that asked me the same thing? Well… let’s just say he’d have to be Prince Charming in order to have gotten a different response from me. Of course my other assumption is that Prince Charming wouldn’t have asked either because he’d want to be staying in as well. But who knows! After all, these are all assumptions, and you know what they say about assumptions…

I suppose I could sit hear and ponder why it is until I’m blue in the face. Perhaps it is simply because I’m content right now with where I’m at. I’m content at spending a night in - by myself - that is unless Prince Charming comes along, in which case I won’t be by myself ;0)

"These are a few of my favorite things..."

My list of recent happy things:


My mental health day today

Saturday morning coffee trips

Homemade banana bread that my sister made me (it’s delish!!!)

Once Upon A Time *finally* being available on Netflix watch-instantly. Now I can watch it all and be ready for the next season!!!

Getting to go to two baseball games a couple weeks ago and at one of them witnessing live, not only a Grand Slam, but getting to watch my team (the A’s) kick the butts of the Red Sox with a 20-2 score.

Going to Reno to watch the Hot Air Balloon Race. Even though it was cancelled on Sunday due to high winds, it was neat getting to see the Glow Show and see some up close.

Finally being caught up on Downten Abbey so that when it resumes again in the US (January) I’ll be ready for the new season.

Having a co-worker ask me if I had lost weight because she said it looked like I had, and that she thought I looked great. I needed that pick-me-up. 
Evening runs

Encouragement at the gym

Watching hummingbirds feed from my feeder as I write this

Homemade Tuna sandwiches w/pickle

Apricot tea and daydreaming

Peaceful, early mornings

"I need a little room to breathe cause I'm one step closer to the edge... I'm about to break"

Since the end of May, with the exception of one random Saturday, this is the first Saturday that I don’t have set plans. I don’t have to be ANYWHERE. Do you have any idea how good it feels? That means that of the last 15 Saturdays, 14 of them meant I had plans with a friend/friends. I could feel it starting to wear on me. Yes, I generally have Sundays to do whatever I please, but it just doesn’t hold the same as a Saturday. On Sundays I wake up early and go to church. Sometimes I go to my parents’ house after and visit with them, and other times I come home and do laundry and general cleaning. So to me, while it can be a day of rest, it isn’t the same as taking a Saturday to do nothing. The idea of not having any commitments to be anywhere is so freeing. Yes, I probably upset some people today by turning down plans. I could’ve had day plans with two different people, and night plans with another. But I had to hold my ground and tell them that I was sorry, but I basically needed a mental health day. And for this mental health day I am grateful.

“Open the eyes of my heart, Lord”

Sunday I was at church and while the service was a good one as it usually is, it isn’t what brought me joy. Even though the sermon was about what it means to be a church, the big factor I walked away with is that God loves reconciliation. It was a side note that Pastor Ron mentioned, but it’s what stuck with me the most. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that God speaks to all of us differently. Just because the sermon was on one topic doesn’t mean we’re all going to take away the same personal message. My message, though I’m not sure how it was applicable at the time, was that God loves reconciliation. Perhaps it was a gentle reminder that I’ll need to apply in the future? Maybe I’ll be faced with a situation where I’ll have to apply cease-fire, I’ll have to compromise and come to a middle ground with someone. Maybe I’m supposed to reconcile my relationship with Him? Whatever it is, I heard it. I heard it loud and clear.

The other note I took from the Sermon is that God is everywhere. Pastor Ron talked about what it means to be a church, and how it’s the community of people that all strive for the loving relationship with Jesus. In the very beginning he asked people to think about what a church is to them and then to draw a picture of it. “What does church look like to you?” I know he was meaning to take it literally, but to me, church is where the cross is. When I think of church I’ve always thought of a big wooden cross. In fact, I don’t think I could be comfortable in a church that didn’t have one inside. To me, church is where you are distinctly reminded of Jesus - That God sent his only son to die on the cross for our sins… for our salvations. Yes, God is everywhere. I often feel him surrounding me when I’m hiking or running… as I see nature around me. I see God as I look out my front door and watch the hummingbirds come to feed. He is in the beautiful sunrise and the spectacular sunset. He could be present in the way a friend touches you gently when you need comfort, or the way someone smiles at you and you see the happiness in their eyes. God really is all around us.

Often times I look forward to singing the worship songs the most. I sing the words aloud and even though I know I’m singing off tune, I look up at the wooden cross and I can’t help but feel God’s love. Sometimes God holds my hand, and sometimes he wraps his arms around me and asks me why I’ve been gone for so long. It’s very rare that I walk out of church without feeling something. As I’ve mentioned, I took two notes or reminders with me after leaving on Sunday. But the joy. The joy was found in the last song sung before we were dismissed. You’re probably wondering what song it was that had this affect on me. The thing is, it wasn’t the song exactly. It was the fact that as we were all singing, about two pews ahead of me was a little boy - between 4 and 5 if I had to guess. And as a good part of the congregation was singing and even clapping along, this little boy in his red shirt was clapping along like there was no tomorrow. He didn’t know the words, but you could see the passion in him as he clapped along off rhythm half the time. But he didn’t care. A couple times he stopped and looked around and then he’d suddenly start again. I know his back was to me, but I could tell he was clapping along with such fervor. I couldn’t help but smile. It was at that exact moment that a smile crossed my face and I was filled with joy. I continued to sing while I wore that smile, and was filled with joy… so much joy that I never could have imagined from what seemed like such a simple moment.

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to recognize the little things in life that make you happy. Simple pleasures. Little things. Joy. Whatever you wish to call it or recognize it as, it’s those things in life that you just can’t put a monetary amount on. Whatever it is, recognize it and be grateful for it. Who knows, it could be God’s way of trying to reach out to you and communicate. He could be trying to open your eyes… He could just be trying to make you smile.