This is going to be all over the place so you might want to take some Dramamine…
As I was sitting here eating my dinner at the table, I cast a glance to the side where the photographs rested. I recently started working on a scrapbook of things my sister and I have done in the last few years. I started to think about how I have evolved over that time in all aspects of life. It also made me look around my condo and think about how even though I see my future being only with myself, I someday would still like to own a home of my own - a home in which I don’t have to share walls with someone. I realize how difficult that would be - trying to buy a house on my own. I don’t make horrible money, but I certainly don’t make a huge amount of it. With someone else in the picture it could definitely be done. Had I been more diligent about my money growing up, perhaps I’d have a better nest egg set up. I don’t though, and there is no reason for me to dwell on it since it can’t change the past. All I can do is try to be better about it now. Anyway, from there I jumped to the fact that because I see myself living alone, I clearly don’t see myself having children. This isn’t news, as I’ve mentioned it before. But that got me thinking even more…
I’m not saying it gets said by everyone. I’m not saying it gets said nearly as often as I think it does. But so many times you hear someone say “I just want to give my child/children the things I didn’t have when I was growing up”, “I want to provide my child/children with what my parents couldn’t provide for me”, etc. etc. (I think you get the gist of what I’m trying to say.) I stopped to think about everything my parents have done for me… everything my parents have given to me, taught me, and sacrificed for me. My parents aren’t rich. They make decent money. I’d say they are pretty middle class in my eyes (which in my opinion is the perfect place to be. And let me also clarify that to me, upper class is the extreme wealthy. ) With that being said, I could never provide for my children (if I had any) in the ways my parents did, and sometimes still do, today. I have never looked back on my life and wished I was given more. I was never needy. They put a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back, and toys in my room. We went camping and on vacations. I played sports. It amazes me the way my parents were able to provide for not only me, but my sister as well. You will never hear me utter the words that I’d like to just give to my children what I never had. I can’t think of anything that would qualify for that. I look back and think that I had a wonderful childhood. If my parents had to scrimp and save, I never saw it. Yes there may have been some toys that I might’ve wanted that I didn’t get, but I think that goes without saying for any child. They knew what I wanted the most and somehow I usually got it. Was I spoiled? A bit, yes. Sometimes by my parents, sometimes by my grandparents, but I feel like I always appreciated what I had, just as I do now. I can’t imagine having that responsibility falling on me now. Then again, if it did, I’d like to think I wouldn’t be doing it by myself, that I’d have a significant other there beside me.
In today’s society so many people feel the need to give their children everything they want, everything they ask for. Yes, it’s nice to be able to indulge now and then, but it’s also important to teach them what it means to work hard for what they want, and what it means to not always get what you want. I guess that continues into adulthood when one has to provide for themselves. I know I could tighten the belt even tighter. I could stop going out altogether and not buy anything but the absolute bare essentials. I could buy the cheapest shampoo and conditioner. I could buy regular shower soap, etc. Sometimes I feel though, that if those are the main “perks” of my adult life, why should I let go of them? Yes, I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, but I didn’t do it on my own. I’ve had plenty of help along the way, for which I am very blessed. When am I ever going to feel like I can stand on my own two feet? Will I ever?
It scares me sometimes to think that every responsibility will always fall square on my shoulders. I have to figure out a way to take care of myself for the long run. Some would say being or staying single is a choice. I guess that depends on circumstance and/or one’s outlook. Right now I see it as the only option that makes sense.
I still consider myself lucky and blessed to be where I’m at in life. I know it could be worse. Heck, sometimes I feel like I’m just waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop, but we all make choices, we all make sacrifices. Perhaps this is mine.
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