"I'm feeling hot, hot, hot..."

I am not one who usually wants Summer to come fast. Fall is my favorite season, followed by Spring, Winter, and then finally - Summer. I prefer the cooler weather when I can wear jeans and a cute top with a pair of sandals, or jeans and a long sleeve sweater but no jacket. Summer. Well, summer means heat. And heat means sweat. Sweat… well, that’s just not always fun.

The last few days have been pretty warm out. I even want to go as far as say hot, but I know that it will get hotter once we’re really in the summer months. But the last few days have been hot enough for me that when I come home from work/gym, as much as I want to turn on the air conditioner, I haven’t. Instead I’ve been opening up my front door and opening up my window upstairs in my bedroom and letting it cool down naturally. When it’s been time to go to bed, I’ve closed the window and turned on my floor fan.

The first night I turned on my fan, I thought to myself.. Ahh, that feels nice. But it’s not just a fan. It’s my personal serenity device. Personal Serenity Device. That description is actually part of a quote from one of my favorite movies, one that most people haven’t heard of - Still Breathing.

It’s amazing how certain things can trigger emotions and memories. The other night it was the hot summer night and the fan swirling around the air in my room. It actually reminded me of when I lived in my teeny, tiny 410 square foot studio apartment. I did not have air conditioning. There were days when I would come home from work and there would be two or three dead spiders just curled up on the floor because they fried to death. I remember coming home and immediately opening up my windows and front door just to get some fresh air inside. And at night time I’d leave them just barely cracked (for safety reason being on the ground level) and turn on my floor fan (the one I still use). Well, the other night when I turned on my floor fan, those memories came rushing back to me. It was familiar. It was happy. It was comforting. I remember struggling to make ends meet back then. Oddly enough, though I’m making more money now than I did then, I find myself back there again. (Except now I’m in a bigger apartment paying more rent.) Regardless, it made me think. I was happy then. Life felt a little harder, but it was simple. And right now I’m in search of that simplicity. I want to be back where shopping wasn’t a priority or even a big necessity. Going out all the time, while I wanted to, I didn’t because I couldn’t afford it. My big splurge was paying $25 a month for the Blockbuster Rewards card so I could rent more movies. Anyways… it was summer that reminded me of all this.

It also reminded me of when I was a kid. I didn’t grow up with central air. On hot days you just dealt with the heat. During heat waves we’d close the drapes and blinds and turn on the ceiling fan in the family room and just hope that eventually it would cool down. Heat also reminds me of a family visit to Riverside. My great aunt and uncle did not have a/c (or if they did, they just didn’t use it) because I remember being there during a summer month and going to bed with the ceiling fan on, just hoping that it would cool down enough to fall asleep.

Summer nights are my favorite. When you can go outside at 8, 9, 10 o’clock at night and have it be a warm summer night. Mmm. There is just something comforting about that.

This year I’m hoping to embrace summer more. I’m hoping to suck it up and just deal with the heat. I’m hoping to use my air conditioner less. (I hate artificial air!). And I’m hoping to just embrace all my personal serenity device has to offer. I’m hoping to do the same with what life throws my way. I want that comforting feeling of happiness to envelope me.