"Blank stares at blank pages... no easy way to say this"

I originally sat down with the intention to write about something completely different. But I didn’t like the direction it was going (which was nowhere). And then I was talking on the phone to my boyfriend and we got to talking about blogging.

My first blog wasn’t even considered a blog. It was an online journal. Actually, I wrote on MyDearDiary.com so I suppose it was technically a diary. Haha. I wrote there for a few years and when I did, I wrote about whatever I wanted to. It didn’t matter how personal, because no one from my real life knew about it. I became friends with a few other writers and they became my online family. Most of the time people remained nonjudgmental, and that’s exactly what I was looking for. Eventually that site took a different direction and I decided to follow a few of my fellow writers to Xanga.com. I tried writing there, but the reality is that my life became busy and I stopped making time for it. And now I’m here.

When I first started writing here I thought I’d write about random subjects. I didn’t think I’d ever write about my personal life happenings because I planned on telling real friends about it. Lately though I’ve been torn on how personal (or not) I should get. Deep down I want to be an open book. I don’t want any topic to be off-limits. On the other hand maybe there should be things that are kept private. It’s kind of like reality shows. They always say that nothing is staged, that what you see is what you get - the real, raw truth (yea, ok). But when you start blogging about personal experiences or working out how you feel about certain things, you naturally start to censor. I want to come here and share anything and everything. I don’t want to censor myself for fear of hurting someone’s feelings or stepping on someone’s toes. I prefer to use this as a way of thinking out loud and getting thoughts out of my head and onto paper. Maybe my personal life will, for the most part, remain as word documents on my computer, and then select entries will be posted here. I guess I’ll just have to play it by ear.