"Push it. Push it real good"

I can’t really say that today was a bad day. Work went fine. I went to the gym after and when I left I was sweaty. When I got home I cooked a healthy dinner. I did almost all my laundry (one load left… for another day) and I even purposefully dried my Dockers pants to shrink them. Now they fit better!

I’ve gone from a size 14 to almost being in a 12. I’m really, REALLY close. Technically I can pull the size 12 pants on, zip and button them, but I might not be able to sit down in them comfortably. Or I might be mushrooming over the top a little. And it’s frustrating. I was sitting here on the couch and had my feet up on the ottoman and I saw all the fat hanging from my calves. (Yes, I realize part of this is called gravity). Earlier in the day when I was doing my “killers” at the gym (that’s what we used to call them in grade school), I was looking in the mirror to see how my legs were looking. And I distinctly recall thinking “wow, when I stand on my toes (like wearing heels) my calves look pretty good.” So you can see how this now all sounds ridiculous when I look at them at home and think “ geez, I haven’t done squat with my body”. That just tells me one thing. While I’m starting to see ever so slight results, it’s time to turn up the volume. It’s time to start pushing myself even further. I still want to lose some more weight, but I also want to tone up. I’ll always be a curvy girl, and that’s fine with me. But I also want my self esteem back. I want to feel confident with my body. And I’m not gonna lie, I wouldn’t mind if guys started doing double takes. Shoot. I’d settle for first takes! I realize beauty in a person goes beyond looks, but what’s wrong with hoping that someone out there sees me and thinks “daaaaaamn, she’s got a rockin’ body”. lol

There is a guy I know who goes to the gym. I’ve seen him there a few times, but usually we miss each other. Every so often I have the opportunity to see him though. And can I just tell you that he is amazing. I mean it. He’s my new inspiration. He works his ass off! He gets in this zone every single time and he just pushes himself. We both have the same goals of losing weight, eating healthy, and just feeling better in general. Are our reasons the same? Who knows. The fact remains however, that we both want it. But I don’t push myself like he pushes himself. Why don’t I push myself like that?! I need to. I need to have his drive and determination. It seems to constantly be there whereas mine comes and goes.

So as I was saying… it’s time to kick it up a notch and turn up the volume. It’s time to push it further and see what else I’m capable of.