“Cause I’m the one that jaded you”

Next month it will be one year away from Facebook. One whole year. And it feels great! The hardest was the first couple weeks but after that I started getting used to being away from it. I didn’t like how it was making me feel. I didn’t like how it was controlling me.

In today’s world, people are all about attention and self gratification. Everyone wants to be famous, everyone wants to be noticed. “Here, look at this picture I took of myself and posted for you all to see and comment on.” I’m not denying it. I fell into that category too. Then I realized that I’d rather be noticed by one special person than have the attention from 100 different people that really didn’t matter to me.

I got tired of finding out news from a Facebook update instead of hearing it directly from a friend. I understand it’s a convenience thing, but I think if you and I are really good friends that I deserve to be told first - via text, email or phone call - before you announce the news to anyone and everyone. The general announcements started to seem very impersonal. And if you choose to only announce important things on Facebook, well then, I guess I’m just not that important to you after all. If I was, you wouldn’t have to rely on social media to tell me these things. I still get people that forget that I’m not on it anymore, and that’s mainly acquaintances so it’s not a big deal. It took a couple friends some time to remember that I wasn’t on anymore. I’d get the “oh yea, you’re not on Facebook anymore. So when are you going to come back to it?”

I also left rather hastily… literally at like 11 o’clock at night or something like that. I did not give any warning. I can’t even remember if I did one last update to tell people. I don’t think I did. A lot of people thought I just unfriended them. I got a few texts within the first month when people noticed. I thought that was funny. There was no one event that suddenly made me leave. Rather it was something outside of Facebook, totally unrelated, and it really just made me want to cut ties with a lot of people just so that I could feel like my life was somehow simpler. For the most part it worked, so I can’t complain. I also thought it was funny when I was asked if I left because my ex-husband had gotten remarried and it happened shortly before I left the site. Lol. I guess he posted a picture from his Las Vegas wedding and people thought I saw it? I don’t know. He wasn’t even on my friends list. No. It had nothing to do with the fact that my ex-husband got remarried. (I wish him all the best and I hope life finds him happy - or at least happier than he was when he was with me.)

Some might say blogging is almost the same. To some I suppose it could be. But I generally don’t post pictures here. At least not yet. Perhaps in the future? And the majority of friends in my life *don’t* know about this blog because I don’t write here for them. I write here for me. I also feel I can express myself more if I’m not being judged by the people I know. It’s easier for me to be judged by strangers than by the people I know and care about. So the ones that *do* know about this place… they are the ones that I don’t fear. I know they won’t let what I write here, affect our relationship in the real world. They accept me for who I am. And the strangers that might stumble across this? They can judge me all they want. I don’t know them. Why should I care what they want to think of me. I’m not here to become popular.

I don’t use Twitter. I don’t use Instagram. And I don’t plan on going back to Facebook. I thought I might, but I don’t see it as being a positive tool in my life, so why bring it back. I felt like it was becoming toxic to me, and if something or someone becomes toxic in my life, I try to take that thing or person out of my life’s equation as best as possible. I don’t need toxicity. I don’t need negativity. I can see some positive points to having a Facebook page, but is it for me? No. No, it isn’t. And I’m okay with that whether you are or not.